BUT earlier in the week we found out about 2 boy referrals so we are REALLY unofficially...
In reflecting on this month I wondered if I had ever written about something I've learned and recently mulled over... expectations. I truly thought I had given this process to the Lord but I realized that one of the only things standing in my way is having my own expectations. We go through life having expectations of ourselves, of others, of what will or should happen and when these expectations aren't met we have disappointment along with a whole other array of emotions. Why have I not realized this before?!! I've needed to learn surrendering at a whole new level and to reteach myself not to hold onto these expectations of when the Lord will reveal His timing in our lives to know who our son is!! Of course, we have our hopes and dreams but it's actually felt so wonderful to let go and I've felt even more at peace since the Lord has convicted me of this. He continues to refine my heart and teach me to fix my eyes on Jesus as all else will fall into place according to His will.
And if that wasn't enough learning, I've finally confronted another area of surrendering. I'm a very emotional eater and to say that this journey hasn't been one of the longest emotional rollercoasters I've been on, would be turning a blind eye. All those ladies who said "The best part about adopting is not gaining the weight you would in a pregnancy" must not have been an emotional eater like me. I've FINALLY confessed that I've been turning to food for my comfort when I should be turning to my Lord as my source of comfort. I've been really convicted about the choices I've made with my diet and something I heard at BSF not too long ago is "conviction is empty without action". Well, I'm taking action and finally making better choices to take care of this body that God has blessed me with. Surrendering every single aspect of my life whether big or small is just what He desires of me. I've already experienced His peace that surpasses all understanding but with each twist and turn, high and low of this journey I'm amazed at how much deeper I can experience it.
The song on this Seeds of Family Worship Cd that is based on a scripture in Psalms has been running through my head almost daily the past week (you HAVE to check these CDs out to get scripture in song, memory and heart for yourself and your kiddos!) Thank you for letting me share my heart with you!