January #

We finally got our official January number on the last day of the month...
BUT earlier in the week we found out about 2 boy referrals so we are REALLY unofficially...

TOP TEN!!! WOO HOO!!! The official number doesn't reflect referrals until their acceptance paperwork is all in so that's why there is a difference. Doesn't matter to me because in my mind and heart we 10!!

In reflecting on this month I wondered if I had ever written about something I've learned and recently mulled over... expectations. I truly thought I had given this process to the Lord but I realized that one of the only things standing in my way is having my own expectations. We go through life having expectations of ourselves, of others, of what will or should happen and when these expectations aren't met we have disappointment along with a whole other array of emotions. Why have I not realized this before?!! I've needed to learn surrendering at a whole new level and to reteach myself not to hold onto these expectations of when the Lord will reveal His timing in our lives to know who our son is!! Of course, we have our hopes and dreams but it's actually felt so wonderful to let go and I've felt even more at peace since the Lord has convicted me of this. He continues to refine my heart and teach me to fix my eyes on Jesus as all else will fall into place according to His will.

And if that wasn't enough learning, I've finally confronted another area of surrendering. I'm a very emotional eater and to say that this journey hasn't been one of the longest emotional rollercoasters I've been on, would be turning a blind eye. All those ladies who said "The best part about adopting is not gaining the weight you would in a pregnancy" must not have been an emotional eater like me. I've FINALLY confessed that I've been turning to food for my comfort when I should be turning to my Lord as my source of comfort. I've been really convicted about the choices I've made with my diet and something I heard at BSF not too long ago is "conviction is empty without action". Well, I'm taking action and finally making better choices to take care of this body that God has blessed me with. Surrendering every single aspect of my life whether big or small is just what He desires of me. I've already experienced His peace that surpasses all understanding but with each twist and turn, high and low of this journey I'm amazed at how much deeper I can experience it.

The song on this Seeds of Family Worship Cd that is based on a scripture in Psalms has been running through my head almost daily the past week (you HAVE to check these CDs out to get scripture in song, memory and heart for yourself and your kiddos!) Thank you for letting me share my heart with you!

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1

MLK

"The most persistent and urgent question is, what are you doing for others?"

MLK

Isn't this the coolest mural? We went to our third annual MLK walk along with thousands of other San Antonians! It was another great experience and the girls really enjoyed being part of it. We ran into the Van Houten Family from church and had a great time getting to know each other. It goes a lot faster when you are with people you know and Claire had fun walking with Evelyn. It was a wonderful time celebrating such a courageous man of our history!






This will be a family tradition as long as possible as we look forward to it every year and every year the girls understand more and more!

10

10 years ago I had my last first date and it was by far the best first date I have ever had.

(this picture is not of that night but the closest I could get! It was on January 5, 2002 at Doris' bday party at Banana Joe's. This was the night we danced a little {or a lot} closer than usual and realized there was something different between us!)

Of course that probably had something to do with who I was with and not just our evening out...together...not just friends anymore... I know we were both anxious to see how the evening would go. I mean, we had been out together hundreds of times but this time we were on an official date! I was only slightly worried it would be uncomfortable or awkward but that quickly faded as he held the door open for me to get into his truck. I still had the normal butterflies that you get on a first date but this one was different as we were already best friends and knew pretty much everything about each other and our past relationships. So although it was our first it felt like we were really starting at date 12 =)

Neil brought me my favorite flowers - purple tulips and surprised me through out the evening. We went to an amazing Italian restaurant (my favorite cuisine), Aldo's, that was "THE" place to go for prom when we were in high school. I never went and he remembered I always wanted to try it so I was so excited!

After a kiss by the car (I think it's so funny I remember that) it was off for another surprise and this has since become one of our favorite special occasion places to celebrate at - a fabulous jazz club downtown on the river called The Landing and the Jim Cullins Band performed (unfortunately not anymore). A quiet table on the first floor against the back wall with dim candlelight - holding hands across the table... romantic to say the least! A lot of times we will even request to sit at the same table when we go back.

That night confirmed that our leap of faith from our friendship to dating was going to be well worth the risk and ended up being the most amazing love we will find in another. The Lord's timing for us was perfect as He was getting us ready for the rest of our lives. Right now Neil has been composing "How I Met Your Mother" (he's on part 4) and it's been so fun to remember all the details and how again, His timing was perfect. Neil kept a journal during those years which is even more fun to read and talk about what was going on in our world and in our hearts so many years ago. We are so blessed and I couldn't imagine spending it with anyone else!

Twins

I just can't resist dressing the girls the same and I wonder how long I'm going to be able to get away with it =) Claire is already showing very strong opinions about what she doesn't want to wear so I better soak it up while I can.

My "twins" usually catch people's eye (a lady at a church we were visiting literally asked if they were twins!) but the most eye catching feature of the girl's these days is Eden's curly hair ( I must say it's beautiful). Almost without fail at every outing someone will stop me and comment on Eden's curly locks. This is of course sweet of them but when the girls are together people often say "Wow one of your girl's has such straight hair and the other has such beautiful curls. How did that happen?" Claire will quickly pipe in with "I used to have curly hair" and it literally BREAKS my heart to see her try to earn validation from strangers for her outward appearance. We always quickly pipe in to Claire about how lovely her hair is and then to both girls about how kind hearted, gentle and loving they both are because the heart is what's important!

Here are my two treasures loving their time at Maw Maw Springer's house after visiting church with her Sunday morning - digging in the dirt, discovering bugs and snails and moving rocks from here to there.



They had the best time with Uncle John as he was out frying his fresh caught fish. The girls couldn't get enough of the fish which made his day!

What a wonderful time with family!
Aunt Nancy, Uncle John and Maw Maw - this picture is priceless to me!

Squinkies

The squinkies have invaded our house...

and the girls could spend an hour just building, pretending and playing...

and they couldn't be more excited!

Blading

Look who's learning how to blade!

This girl is surprising me left and right...just goes to show that you shouldn't pigeon hole your children =) As little as a few months ago Claire was leary of trying new things, easily gave up when she didn't do something right the first time, couldn't lose a game without tears, cried at the drop of a hat, was easily embarassed but the past month I've seen her change and grow. She's gotten more self confident. She's trying new things. She's going all the way across the monkey bars at school and when she falls off the "hard" one at the park, she tries and tries again (a few tears after about the twentieth time of not getting the higher bar in the middle) But the next day she was back on and did it all by herself!

It's been really amazing to see her grow up since she started school. To evolve more into the person God has created and intended her to be. As she continues to learn, grow, change and become her own person I look forward to being right there for her. Of course, she didn't want me to even touch her to help her on the monkey bars (but she did let me hold her up while trying out the blades). It wasn't easy to see her hanging there and not touch her... I had to sit far away but was always watching =)

Although it's hard to see your baby grow up, it's really amazing to be part of it.